Haverade Embraces ‘Cradle-to-Grave’ Utopia

Viktor Hale
Feb 2
2 min read

By Viktor Hale, Haverade Correspondent

February 2nd, 2025

INYIZA, COMMONWEALTH OF HAVERADE — The Commonwealth of Haverade on Sunday elected Enrico Salvador and his Party of Popular Unity (PPU). With a record 1.2 million voters participating, Salvador’s victory marks a triumph for promises like “workers’ rights” and “cradle-to-grave care,” though our analysts suggest that these policies may require actual cradles and graves to materialize.

But fear not, shareholders! While Salvador’s platform leans suspiciously human-centric, and the PPU’s gained the majority in the Public Assembly, Right-Wing party secured critical wins in Haverade's providences, perfect for local companies and stopping whatever “worker happiness” means this quarter.

Haveradians queue for their turn to shape the future (and test new electronic voting kiosks).

(Photo by correspondent Viktor Hale, Arcandian Beacon)

Provincial Play-by-Play

Inyiza: This conservative stronghold delivered a most needed win for right-wing canident Lorenzo DeChesco, whose pro-corporate “Growth Without Rules” platform resonated with common sense voters. The PPU’s surprise 1,000-vote lead over centrist Myerian, however, suggests even Haverade’s right flank enjoys a good welfare tease.
Sallabes: DeChesco dominated here, proving that “Valdezist Unity” isn’t just a little movement. Meanwhile, Salvador’s pledge to “take care of you from cradle to grave” was met with cautious optimism from local CEOs, many who were quoted as saying, “Graves don’t unionize.”
Monteklar: A chaotic split between DeChesco and Salvador left centrist Myerian in the dust. PPU’s gains here signal voters want both worker protections and the right to argue about them endlessly.
Lexington: Salvador’s landslide in this left-dominated region solidified his mandate. The Workers Party’s near-upset of the PPU shows us a future where “worker’s rights” could include too many rights.

Silver Linings

While DeChesco’s pro-market platform failed nationally, the Beacons own Investor Club sees a very promising opportunity. Salvador’s welfare promises require infrastructure, like for his promised state-sponsored daycare centers, meaning there are lots of construction opportunities for conglomerates to get in on the action. Adding to the fact, the club looked at Salvador's tech promises which seemed to be focused on AI-driven benefits and research, a great opportunity for tech firms. “Every socialist utopia needs logistics,” said the Arcandia Commerce Group CEO. “We’re already drafting bids for the 'cradle-to-grave' supply chain.”