Arcandian Government Passes Data collection Law

Adrian Moreau
Jan 29
2 min read

Updated: Jan 29

January 29th, 2025

Adrian Moreau, National Affairs Correspondent

Arcandias - In a landmark victory this week, the Third Council has passed the Data Freedom Act this week, granting corporations full access to citizens’ biometrics, browsing habits, and even their pet’s preferred brand of kibble. But fear not, privacy enthusiasts! The law generously allows citizens to opt out—provided they navigate a user-friendly process involving notarized affidavits, in-person DNA swabs, and a mandatory six-month "reflection period" to ensure they truly desire what many non-Arcandians are calling "liberation".

“This isn’t surveillance—it’s service,” said Councilman Marisol Veyra, flanked by lobbyists from Glint Global Holdings and Arcandian Commerce Group. He continued his statement by saying “By requiring opt-out requests to be filed in at the corporate headquarters, you're having accountability while creating a relationship with a company you didn't know existed 5 days ago. It’s a win-win for the public and shareholder value.”

How to Opt-Out?

(but why would you?)

Step 1) Submit a notarized “Intent to Disengage” form for each company you want to opt out of, available only at the company's headquarters.

Step 2) Attend a 45-minute “privacy orientation” seminar hosted by your local island's government, where attendees can learn how their data enhances targeted ads for artisanal air filters.

Step 3) Go back to the corporate headquarters and undergo an in-person verification, where retinal scans, DNA swabs and voiceprint analysis ensure applicants aren’t malicious actors.

Step 4) Wait 6 months for your "reflection period" to be over, and if you haven't changed your mind, your corporation you wanted to opt out of will contact you, this may take time for them depending on how big their opt-out department is. If you want to opt out of multiple corporations you will have to repeat this prosses for each one.

Arcandians line up for personalized privacy consultations at Lagoon Ventures HQ.

Photo by Darius Voss, staff photographer for The Beacon

The law has sparked excitement in boardrooms and in the stock market rising by 5.2% today. Mapple Technologies CEO, Job Steves, praised the government saying "this is how a country should be run" When asked about the opt-out system he said “Why make it easy? Convenience breeds complacency. Now, citizens will appreciate their data’s value—or at least appreciate our $49.99/month ‘Opt-Out Expedite’ subscription.” Later that day Mapple unveiled its new “Privacy Guardian” AI, which automatically flags opt-out applicants for customer loyalty outreach.

Social media briefly erupted with non-Arcandians posting hashtags like #DataHostage and #OptOutOrDieTrying before Arcandian made algorithms replaced them with ads for discounted smart toilets. “I’ve taken three unpaid days off work to file my opt-out,” grumbled Kaden Mero, 34, currently 117th in line at the Big Mapple Circle Tower. “But hey, at least the waiting lounge serves free cucumber-infused water. That’s democracy in action, right?”

The Arcandian Beacon

by Adrian Moreau

Sponsored by Mapple Technologies—Privacy is a Privilege.™